Back to the Basics

Have you ever known that God was trying to communicate something to you, but you try to brush it off, telling yourself that you're just over-analyzing or misinterpreting (probably because it's something that, deep down, you know you need to hear and heed, but it's going to require effort and work and dedication, and you just really don't feel like committing all that right now)? But God doesn't let up, and keeps placing you in circumstances that come back to that same lesson again and again? No matter how much you try to ignore that nagging lesson or reminder or challenge (whatever word you need to use that makes you feel slightly better about it), day after day, it is staring you in the face?

This past week has been that for me - a message from God staring me in the face over and over, showing up in a multitude of ways, in various aspects of my life, until I finally gave in (or at least, recognize that I need to try to give in). I should have responded to the big flashing sign message on the first shot - probably could've saved myself some frustration. But if you know me, one thing you probably became aware of after the first few days (ok, maybe minutes) of being in my presence is that I am stubborn. I blame it on my German side.

It started last weekend. It was just Louie and me at home, with no big events on the calendar, so we had a pretty quiet, low-key weekend. I came down with a pretty bad cold, so I think I slept more in two days than I have for the past two months (I am only slightly exaggerating). That was probably the first sign I ignored - my body (and God, if you will) telling me to slow down, to rest, to ease up on the gas a bit. While I did sleep, it wasn't because I was desiring to rest, but rather more trying to get better as quickly as possible so I could get back to the unbelievably long to-do list I possess that never seems to see any black lines through its content. Hind sight is always 20/20. I should have paid more attention to the need to care for my body, rest and sleep well before the sneezing, coughing and extreme exhaustion began.

Last weekend was also the start of a new physical challenge. Louie and I started to do Crossfit. We took our first three fundamentals classes last week, which are a pre-req of sorts before you can take a full-fledged class. Our first three classes, spaced throughout the week, while informative and interesting, were elementary - learning to do dead lifts and hang cleans, precise positioning for an overhead squat, basic stretches and plyometrics. More than a few times, I think we both felt this slight annoyance - we've both exercised before, Louie has done Crossfit before, I have fitness certifications - why did we need to go through all of this? Why can't we just jump into the sweat, blood and tears (literally... have you ever tried Crossfit?!) And more so, how is it that no matter what exercise we were focused on or what position we were trying to hold, neither of our forms was ever one-hundred percent correct? It was nearly 4 hours total of the basics - from where to place your feet to the position of your head and everything in between. At moments it felt redundant. At moments it felt unnecessary. At moments it was aggravating and frustrating - the trainer we worked with was so intent on explaining the movements, the connections between your nervous system and muscle movements, these biological and anatomical building blocks of Crossfit. Bottom line? It was totally necessary. Without having those basics down, we would be ill-prepared for the next level; we would lift weights incorrectly and come no where near the desired results - if anything, perhaps even doing harm and damage to our bodies. This forced return to the most fundamental of movements was one hundred per cent necessary, and in all honesty, we probably could have even used more than three sessions.    

Brother Mike came over for dinner on Monday, and in addition to some good food and conversation at the table, we shared prayer. He asked us to share the story of where our faith came from - for each of us, how did we get our faith? It was an opportunity to think about and reflect on the roots of our lives - where did we start, what were those big mile markers, and essentially where did this all start from? What were our fundamentals of faith?

Two nights ago, we decided to go on a "community run." (We've never done this before... and truthfully, I'm not sure where this initiative came from.) We went to a trail by our house, which Jen and I had never been to before, and dusk was about to fall as we all stretched a bit and then took off down the trail, into the woods. Now, if you are reading this and you have met me, beyond the whole stubborn piece, you also know that I have, unequivocally, unparalleled, the absolutely worst sense of direction. This probably wasn't the brightest move I could have ever made (because of course, I carried no phone with me. Obviously.).

I'm sure you can guess what happened. I got lost. I'm still not really sure how, but after about 18 minutes of running... as I should have been coming to the end of my 2.2 mile run, I was still running - my 2.2 mile run turned into a 4+ mile run, and I made it to our driveway, where I sat and (in additional to feeling badly that I knew Louie and Jen would be worried) waited for someone to come check if I had managed to make it home. Our neighbors were outside - doing nothing but hanging out, their little girl trying to fly a cardboard airplane while jumping around in the bed of their pickup. My thoughts wandered back to my time in Ecuador... when I constantly had to ask for directions (thereby engaging in relationship with strangers), when I never had a clue where I was going, where I didn't own a cell phone (or a land line phone, or a television, or a computer), where I spent countless hours on stoops, doing nothing but hanging out; where life was unbelievably simple in most material ways and unbelievably complex in most emotional and spiritual ways, offering constant glimpses of God's grace and beauty amidst a sometimes (oftentimes) very unjust and ugly world.
In addition to it being an unplanned community night at its finest, this experience was also, for me, an invitation to remember why I first came to love life in community and believe in it's power in the first place: God-centered relationships that focus on intentionality, the journey of faith and simplicity - learning, living, breathing, being in this profound understanding of how we affect, influence and impact one another through shared space, prayer, struggle, joy, and daily life. A chance to recall and bring to mind those very bare-bone, basic reasons why I believe in community, and community rooted in faith.

So this week has been a constant calling to return back to the basics (on all accounts): to rest and slow down and care for your body and health; to work on fundamental, functional motions from which all other movement happens; to return, once in a while, to those first steps of our faith journey and take a glance back to where we were and how we got to where we are; to engage in relationship with people I don't necessarily know, to disconnect from the demands of technology and constant contact and texting and talking, to fly some paper airplanes and sit on the stoop and do nothing but hang out; to believe in human interconnectedness and the value of journeying with others; to believe in the power of community.

How is God growing you today?

Living in community doesn’t let you hide much. For me, one of the challenges that I fear holds me back at times is my lack of confidence. I am working on it, but this is not an easy fix. And it’s out there for my community mates to see, to be frustrated with, and to support me in.

If you could measure the amount of community experience one has and compare among the Sobremesa community, I would have the least. My experiences have been less intentional, less formal, and less intense in my opinion and more organic. Both Clare and Louie have lived in community before in multiple communities. And they have both been educated at Marianist institutions. Although I have been a part of a community (from sports teams to grad school cohorts) most of my life, they have missed the FAITH piece. I think that is what makes this community experience for me so different.

5 years ago I had an opportunity to take a group of students from St. Joseph’s Catholic Community to Marianist LIFE Pacific. This was my first taste of the Marianist Charism in a very intentional way. I do believe our parish was run “indirectly” Marianist, but the gifts of the Charism were never really talked about… just lived. Marianist LIFE was the first time I was introduced to a group of adults that were like me. They accepted me where I was on my faith journey and walked with me. From that first time as an adult moderator, I couldn’t get enough of this Marianist thing. Any opportunity that was presented to me, I said yes! I was invited to Mid-LIFE and meet more people from the three LIFE programs in St. Louis. I was invited to be a part of the Marianist Lay Formation Initiative retreat forming another community across the country. I even had some time in an online community sharing emails, prayers, skype phone calls and readings with one another. Each one of the relationships I have formed and communities I have been a part of has made a difference in my life (and my faith life). HOWEVER,  when I was scared or nervous about sharing something or leading a prayer… I could find someone that could take over because there were so many people in each community. In a community of 3, it’s harder to do that. It’s almost impossible. I can’t hide any longer… I have to step up.

Enter prayer. The funny thing about this one is that I spent 2 years in the Office of Religious Life for the Marianist LIFE pacific team. I planned liturgies and prayer experiences for the adults and for the students. BUT THERE WAS AT LEAST 2 PEOPLE in the office. There was always someone to bounce ideas of off, to ask questions of, to share fears with. Now, it is just me preparing a prayer experience for my community. I get very very nervous. My stomach hurts the whole day, I have tingles in my arms… and I don’t know why. Not once has Louie or Clare laughed at me or made fun of me or (worst of all) not prayed with me. I don’t know where this nervousness comes from.

I also talk about these fears a lot… hoping they will then disappear. I have shared them with Louie and Clare as well as our friend Baade. There is one thing (in this situation) that Baade says to me that always makes me feel better. Makes me feel like I am where I am supposed to be. It makes me feel that the challenge of preparing prayer for my community is worth the nervousness. She shares about a friend she has whom she doesn’t see often. When Baade sees her friend, she asks her, “How is God growing you today?” Baade listens to my fears and nervousness and tells me God’s growing me.

I have to agree. God is growing me in this Sobremesa community. I am growing in my own prayer life, and in my confidence. It isn’t a passive thing and it isn’t finished (and will never be… if I choose that). It’s going to take A LOT of time and patience and support and prayer. And I am ready for it. How is God growing YOU today?

A Life Where Everything Matters

Today marks the three week anniversary of the public commitment and official formation of the Sobremesa community.  To be sure, they have been weeks of joy filled with community dinners and visits from old friends, and some new ones too.  A special thanks goes to Bro. Mitch Schweickart and Patrick Duffy for visiting our community.  They came to the table and laughed with us while also reminding us of the importance of remaining true to our mission.  

There are, of course, the random times where the three of us happen to find ourselves chatting about the highs and lows of our days; I’m thankful for these grace times.  I’d be remiss without mentioning our communal prayer times.  It is in these times that I find, most apparent, the visible and transparent richness of the Spirit shining forth.  It is often in the simple things that Jen or Clare share (or even do) that I glean some wisdom and hope.  I see hope when I come home to a table set and dinner prepared.  I see hope and wisdom when either of my community-mates take time to fold my clothes (clothes that I left in the dryer for way too long) and neatly place them on my bed.  These acts of love give me hope and teach me the wisdom of being open to those closest around me.  This wisdom and hope sustains and enriches my Spirit and prompts me to dig deeper in my personal prayer life.  There seems to be openness to the Spirit, on the part of our community, that is authentically demonstrated as we continue to share life together.  Indeed community is a great gift where all that we do or don’t do matters.

Community isn’t always, however, thought provoking, enjoyable, fun, or “warm and fuzzy.”  Community can be (and mostly is day-to-day) a task, still yet, where everything one does or doesn’t do matters.

There have, without a doubt, been times of struggle and frustration.  Questions I pose from time-to-time go as follows:  why won’t they just put the dishes away after dinner? ; why do I have to fold the laundry of someone else? ; why won’t anybody help me trim these hedges? ; or why doesn't anybody notice when I vacuum the carpets? 

I’m sure my community-mates have asked similar questions of me and of the community in general.  Why didn’t he help me when I needed help?  Why was he such a jerk in the way he responded to my request?  Why didn’t he reply to that email I sent him three days ago?  Or, why did I decide to live in this community anyway?    When the community shares their frustrations with me I ask myself, was I too concerned with getting my own stuff done?  Was I too focused on finishing the grading that I was blinded to what Clare or Jen needed? Am I too busy at school?  Am I not ready to be open to the needs of those that are closest to me?  Am I not ready to see how God is right in front me at that (even this) very moment?

Community calls us to remember that every action we take, or don’t take, has implications or ramifications.  If I chose to close the door to my room and work by myself then I might as well close myself off from the community.  I believe that deeply understanding this reality, where everything matters, starts close to home, within our own (spiritual) life.  Fr. Chaminade reminds us (hopefully without sounding too cliché) that “the essential is the interior.” 

We can therefore begin to analyze and hope that we are open to allowing God to be the fuel of our lives, especially our lives of prayer. This is difficult to measure and critique.  This measuring and critiquing becomes dangerous if we begin to see our prayer lives as something we have to spend “x” amount of time per week or day engaged in.  At its best, this critiquing and analyzing will enable us to see if we do indeed value, as well as move to the top of the priority list, the spiritual life.  Fr. Richard Rohr, a Franciscan priest, reminds us that (and I’m paraphrasing here) prayer is always happening we need only to show up and be with God.  Am I asking for the grace to be open to how the Lord is moving and shaking in my life?  

If I begin with the premise:  God is living and existing within me then I don’t have to go very far.  I can see God by engaging in intentional introspective time.  It matters immensely whether or not we take this time (even if we don’t live in an intentional community) because living in this reality will shape what we say or don’t say, do or don’t do, and last and certainly not least, how we love or not love.  Fr. Chaminade wisely reminds us that “it is in prayer that you will find peace for your soul.”  Is prayer valuable to me?  Is prayer valuable to you?  If yes, then we can love—starting with the God that lives in us—ourselves and also learn to love our neighbor, our community, and hopefully the world. 

So, you see, it matters.  Everything we do or don’t do matters.  If we don’t value our prayer lives then we are drifting alone and feel separate from God, others, and the world.  If we can ask for the grace while also doing some hard personal interior work, then we will continue to grow closer and deeper to God, others, and the world.  A wise Jedi (yes this is a Star Wars reference) once said, “do or do not, there is no try.”  I encourage and challenge us to work at seeing and knowing the God that lives in each of us.  Stop trying and begin doing while always remembering, humbly of course, that everything matters.  Peace be with you, always.

Welcome to the story of Sobremesa!

Hello!

Thank you so much for taking the time to access our blog, and join us on this journey upon which we have recently embarked.

You might be wondering what "Sobremesa" is, or what "intentional community" is, or maybe you haven't ever heard the word "Marianist" before. Throughout our entries on this blog, we will attempt to explain - or probably more accurately, share our own exploration of - what these terms mean (and in some cases, maybe what they don't mean). Sometimes we might have a clue, maybe even an answer... other days, we're likely to be just as, if not much more, confused than you are about the whole thing.

But first, a little background:
Who are we? Well, we are three young adults (some of us will still hold on to claiming our last few precious days of "late twenties" just a short while longer) who are trying to figure out what it means to be in community with each other, and what it means to try to create intentional Christian community (with a specific Marianist spirit) in our often very individualistic, often very secular, often very chaotic, difficult, and unjust society. Our world is all of those aforementioned adjectives, ripe with struggle and pain - but it is also beautiful, grace-filled, and joyful, in some of our better moments.

Over the course of the many blog entries to come, you will get to know each of us, and - if you accept the invitation - gain some insight into the stirrings of our minds and hearts. You'll probably, by default of us living in a big city with a small town feel, also get to know the names of a few key players, "friends of the community," who have had and will continue to have great influence and impact on how we shape our home, our shared life, and the manifestation of our mission.

To give you a brief snapshot of who these three people are, living what many consider to be a quite counter-cultural way of life, we'll let you in on a few very short biographical pieces that have led us here today.

First: Jen, aka Broph, Brophessor, and on occassion Brophinator, grew up in the St. Joseph Catholic Community of Eldersburg, Maryland.  Not knowing what all it meant that the parish was Marianist, the Pastor asked Jen to take students to Marianist LIFE Pacific. (LIFE = Living In Faith Experience - an opportunity for high school students from around the country to come together with others to learn more about their faith, discover what it means to have a relationship with God, understand more about social justice and the world, and gain some key insight into being with others, all from a Marianist lens.)  Jen has not stopped discovering her Marianist identity since this important introduction in 2007.  Her reason for being a founding and committed member of the Sobremesa Community is simply her desire to live and learn more about what it means to Marianist as well as her faith in general.

We've got Luis, often called Louie, Luisito, or "El Guapo," as he oh-so-modestly most prefers, recalls his first introduction to this whole "Marianist thing" dating back to LIFE South 2000 (LIFE happens in three different locations around the country, hence the Pacific and South distinctions between Jen and Louie's stories).  LIFE planted a seed, unbeknownst, that has bloomed in a plethora of varied ways.  Luis “has been around” the Marianist world working at various Marianist High Schools, attending various Marianist Universities, and even spending some time discerning his life vocation with the Marianists.  What led him to be a founding a committed member of the Sobremesa community is a belief that the Marianist Laity must take a more conscious and active leadership role in working for justice and peace.

Then there's Clare - loved ones often call her Clara, Clarita, and a select few Strockbine de Acosta, as per her current engagement; her future last name will be Acosta, thanks to a wonderful man from the Dominican Republic who is a huge source of support, light and love in her life. For Clare, living in community has become somewhat of a lifestyle.  After attending the University of Scranton, Clare volunteered in Ecuador with Rostro de Cristo (Face of Christ) from 2004-2006.  This experience of the Latin American culture coupled with her Jesuit and Marianist (University of Dayton , 2009) backgrounds have given her the inspiration to be a founding and committed member of the Sobremesa Community.

The community was physically formed in August of 2011 when Clare and Luis began living together in community.  After much mutual discernment, Jen moved into the house in February 2012. Discernment continued as the three tried to remain open to the grace of the Holy Spirit and the call of Chaminade; in July, in an attempt to follow Mary’s “yes,” things became formalized. In addition to writing a mission statement and a covenant, the community picked the name Sobremesa: “Sobremesa” is a Spanish word with no known direct English translation. In Latin America, it refers to the time spent around the table after a meal - before the dishes are cleared, before companions disperse - the time when loved ones share in conversation, with no hurry and no worry about what comes next. It is social, relaxing yet energizing, it is communal. The sobremesa is sacred time. 

 

Over time you'll get to know more about what we do on a daily basis (in our spare time when we're not struggling with the whole how-to-live-the-Gospel-in-some-sort-of-way-somewhat-resembling-what-Jesus-did thing.. we actually do all have jobs, as much as we might like to sit around theorizing and reflecting upon community), how we spend our free time (though, in total transparency, we're three pretty busy people, so free time doesn't come all too frequently around these parts - but as Jen will often remind us, choice [oftentimes] determines situation. We can't complain all that much.), what kind of faith we have both as individuals and as a group, how well we get along (and how well we sometimes don't get along), and in general, just how goofy (and clueless) we can be. Hopefully we'll also be able to bring to the table a few fleeting words of wisdom too, and maybe plant a few seeds for thought and reflection out there in the big virtual world of interactive reflection (blogging).

We'll leave you today on this last note, that of our mission statement, which took us quite some time (and some annoyance, grammar arguments and a beer or two) to finally nail down. Worth it though - we're pretty satisfied, for now, with what we commit to trying to live, day in and day out.

The Sobremesa mission statement reads as follows:  

We give of ourselves wholly to the pursuit of education, ministry, and challenge of ourselves and others, rooted in a faith that lives justice.  Through our work, personal choices, shared daily life and continued discernment, with Mary as our model we strive to offer a radical hospitality. We aim to serve those most in need, witness to and inspire in others an openness to God’s will, and communicate Grace.

Thanks for reading!